Fliss' Cache

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!

It’s a brand new year which means a fresh beginning too. Everything seem to start from scratch again.

Speaking of the new year, seriously the annual celebration just seems to be overrated. Everywhere is jam-packed or perhaps I’m too old (ahem, I’m only 20!) to be joining the crowd and counting down. So instead of heading to every countdown party, I went for dinner with friends, Zhenhui whom I’ve not met since graduation from secondary school and Fiee.

We had a simple dinner and chill out Starbucks till 10 plus and headed home. Though it’s not really exciting but it’s really nice just to talk about anything and everything, somewhat they inspired me to think about what I really want in life and everything. I think Zhenhui grow up a lot, more mature in her thinking. I always thought I was mature and all, but I guess I’m not compared to her.

I know we shouldn’t be comparing but I really admired her, such that she’s working part time and studying part time, what’s more is that she’s doing ACCA = TOUGH! Yet at the same time, she’s earning and saving money to purchase a car. I mean since when you heard about people around already planned what they want to do. I think I’m such a procrastinator after all. Seriously, I need to think about what I really want and work towards it. Even Fiee has thought about owning a car!

Point is, is not about owning car, but planning what you wanna do with your life and getting it done. As for me, I think I really see things short term and not long term despite having so many aspirations which are currently bubbles floating in the air, not concrete because I’ve got no plans! I need to get a hold of my life and think hard about what I truly want.

Loved and take care.

There’s 12 days of Christmas, isn’t that awesome? It’s 12.05am and second day of Christmas!

Every year, Christmas is always in my list for celebrations but never actually plan a proper celebration for it. Thankfully this year, I had a blast. Firstly was the wedding luncheon I attended at Fullerton Hotel! Grand and very romantic, gorgeous table setting and very lavishly done. I was telling my mum, given the opportunity I would do a morning ceremony and reception or even a high tea dining and that’s about it. Save money and time. HAHA.

After the full-filling lunch which lasted about 2 hours, got home and change and went to meet cousin and aunt. Been ages since I last met them, miss them badly. To naively think that Orchard will be a dead town, I was so wrong, it was so pack that using the proverb, “packed like sardines” just seem like an understatement. Settled down at the Mackies at Centrepoint and gossip, it’s so fun! Really, and it could be HTHT without being too serious. <3<3<3<3 I was telling them that if I’ve got no boyfriend by 22, i’m going to dating agency and my cousin exclaimed that I’m still young even by then. HAHA.

You know, having holidays is really awesome because you slow down your steps and absorb things around you, negative or positive. Some times negative stuffs just overwhelm you so much that you lost sight of the positive. I can’t deny I felt that for the past few days. And going into facebook every now and then just makes me feel worse cause people are having awesome time while I appeared to be a no-lifer (if there’s such word). But heck it! =)

Oh, I can’t wait for 2010 to come and attend Jan’s birthday! What should I wear? Omg, I wanna go shopping and get more stuffs for CNY. Can’t wait to start school and get my motivation back and do all the things I wanna do! Fresh start, and I’m awaiting for it.

Gonna stay positive and I know I’ll get through it all. <3<3<3<3<3

Loved and take care!!! <3<3<3<3

2 more days to Christmas, and I’m totally losing it. I don’t even know why.

Many things happened. Confession was a failure, Uni results sucks to the core and below my expectations. I don’t even know where to begin ranting all these stuffs. I just know that I want to able to get back on my feet fast, focus on my studies and get my results back.

As much as I love facebook, I hate it cause it just tells me straight into my face how no life I am and how people around me are enjoying their lives while I seem to be wasting it away.

Sometimes I just hate the fact that I can be too passive than active. I’ve already made up my mind, I gonna mug hard for it no matter what it takes and I gonna utilise the rest of the holidays and then it’s full steam ahead with school. I wish I could cry it out, but unable to do just prove the feelings aren’t that strong but I can’t seem to figure why I’m feeling so upset by it.

Nonsensical entry I wrote, I just want to rant. At least I know I’ve let it out.

It’s 4 days to Christmas.

Past one week was busy with camp and weekend fun. My darlings are great at putting a smile on my fat face.

This entry gonna be a little tad emo so bear with me.

Sometimes things shouldn’t meant to be spoken, once it’s been spoken it loses the very intention and perhaps, emotions and feelings. I don’t know why I always choose the wrong timing to say the wrong thing. I always thought I’m strong enough to face anything but I guess I’m not. And I swore I’m easily affected by anyone’s words. “Nothing is gonna change” are the exact words I read. It stung and my mood instantly plunge. I wished I never did such a foolish act, but the very least I get it off my chest. I hate to be feeling like that in the morning. I need a time out, to get away from the people I know and be alone. I dislike knowing that you have no reaction to all that. Moving on.

Loved and take care.

13 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS!! Like finally crossing the 2 weeks mark.

Didn’t blog yesterday, but who cares right? Anyway, one night things just change! Gotten a text saying I’m selected for Student Leadership Camp from 16th to 18th, thinking it’s my chance to know more people and I really need that since I hate the fact that for the past one semester I’ve yet to lunch with anyone in school.

Seriously, I think I really need to unwind and be less rigid. Feel like I’m chasing life, instead of life chasing me. I want to be like my cousins and friends - party, late nights, awesome fun and all. I really want want to have fun before it’s too late, if ever there’s such thing as too late to have fun. I don’t want to regret when I’m old and looking back. SCARY!

Apparently, this weekend I’ve got nothing on, I mean NOTHING. No plans at all, how screw up can that be right? On a happier note, next week will be packed. Heading Sentosa for my dosage of tanning, perhaps shopping and then camping. Then after will be Christmas and I guess need to have a great plan, don’t want to waste the festive season right?

Speaking of the celebrating Christmas, I visualized that I wasn’t in Singapore rather I’m some snow-covered countries enjoying the cold air and everyone in their boots and puffy coats/jackets and strolling. That’s so wonderful I guess. That really motivates me to go for student exchange. That’s just part of the reason but oh well.

Going back to the boredom part, I think I’m a total wet blanket and I totally kill plans. Dislike myself for that (not using hate cause it’s too strong a word). Anyway, so I was thinking, would you date someone and be with someone when you know you are leaving for 6mths on an exchange program? Because 6mths, though it’s not long nor short, it definitely can make a change and cause a change. Okay, none of my concern since I’m no where near there, which is kinda sad. I just want to say that sometimes it’s really hard to say that you’ve been single for the 20 years while others are like saying for the past few mths/few years.

Oh well, gonna think more about Christmas and less of the non-christmasy stuffs. Celebrate the season before school starts.

Loved and take care.

I guess I just can’t resist having a Christmas Wish list:

1. Polaroid camera OR holga camera PLEASE?
2. Watch - big round face, non-digital
3. Belt - simple bucket, classy will be nice
4. Nail polishes - bright orange, turquoise
5. Planner - patterned
6. one beautiful stalk of Orange sunflower
7. clutch
8. chic sling bag
9. maybe lacy leggings?
10. maybe nice headband/hippie headbands/flower clips?
11. Dinner and photowhoring with my darlings
12. Family and friends to be healthy and happy.

Honestly I can’t think of much of what I want, MONEY will be the best such that I can get the stuffs or save it up. =)

Shall edit when I thought of more!

15 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS!

Christmas is coming! I’m so excited though I’ve yet to make concrete plans or done any shopping but I just can’t wait for the season to come.

Actually I intended to have my wishlist posted, but then I think again, doesn’t matter so long it’s the thought that count but PLEASE no dolls and useless stuffs please. It’s just a waste of money and all, buy me sth useful for school or anything. Thanks.

Anyway, I was feeling really crappy last night after texting. I felt like I was too homey and all that shit that I’m not, unlike my friends around me. I was questioning myself as to why can I hang out late, and party and all that stuffs. Then I realise perhaps its me and my background, but at the same time I realise, it’s also this set of values that keep me rooted. I don’t know if it’s a good thing, but I know my parents are giving me the freedom to make my own choices and all, and asking me to be responsible for the choices. I just need that one step and I’m ready to liberated if that’s the way to describe it.

Okay, too much information. Holidays is great so far apart from the fact this week’s plan has been total failure and I foresee myself staying home for the next few days. Seriously, need to stop procrastinating that I’ll fulfill my to-do list, truth is I’ve yet to look at it after keying it into the computer. Gonna review it and work on it, I don’t want to regret, and what if 2012 really happen? HAHA.

Need to plan for the rest of the holidays.

Loved and take care.

16 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS! Need to get my Christmas shopping done real soon. What do you want for Christmas, my friends and cousins?

For the past few days I was reading, The Summer of Secrets by Martina Reilly and I completed the book late last night. It literally brought me to tears when I finished the book. Crazy, my friend described me as. But I really like how the entire story goes, the healing process that the main character, Hope, goes through and not forgetting the lovey-dovey part at the very end.

I guess everyone has their own fair share of secrets and sometimes to open up and share it with people you cared most is never the easiest thing. Because you fear judgement and that they will change their perspective of you and leave you standing alone. And the truth hurts so much that we block it out and runaway, and before we know, we lose touch with emotions that could be so raw yet real.

I think I’m doing that, running away and not want to face what’s ahead except knowing that I need to complete my education and earn money. I think I know why I cried after reading the book, because I feel the emotions from the characters.

Books do mimick daily lives, as movies and shows etc does. And from this book, I feel that it’s somewhat close, definitely less dramatic given the fact that Hope (main character) survived a plane crash. But I think that everyone at one point of their life ought to take time out and stay somewhere less familiar and try to find out who the person you really are.

Sometimes in life we choose to escape, using lies to cover it up so as to prevent others from probing further. However, when the cat is out of the bag, what really matters are those people around you, those who truly cares. It’s never to be vulnerable, simply we are not taught to do so. I can’t say for sure that I’ll be able to cry and be vulnerable in front of my friends but at the very least I know there are those who truly cares for who you are and not what you are.

Loved and take care.